I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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