put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
