Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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