Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize