Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
