I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
