Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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