Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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