yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i love accidental penises.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
