Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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