3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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