she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
