Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
you never un-have a 4some
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
