I heard we made out
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
