he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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