I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This baby is an asshole
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
