Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
