Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
