the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
