My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
