My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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