she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My penis needs a shock collar
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
