Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
