I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize