i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
