you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
