i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
