I am midnight drunk by noon
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
