The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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