nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Someone shattered a urinal.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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