walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
