just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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