Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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