you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
As shirtless as possible
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
