I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
