do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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