What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize