if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
