I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
