Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
