miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
