rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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