WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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