trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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