"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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