how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
