I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize