it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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