Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sorry about my life...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
