Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
