road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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