I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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