So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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