ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
