I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize