I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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