All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
