Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
