okay pat passed out under dana's car
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
