had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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