Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
