She is in my trunk
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
