Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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