How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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