im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
