I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Did I show you my penis last night?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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