FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize