so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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